Roxy ifite uko ibona abagabo bahohotera abagore babo

Najyaga ngira ngo kera inyamaswa nibwo zavugaga gusa, bimwe twumva mu migani. n'ubu ziravuga.

Mu minsi ishize namaze igihe nibaza impamvu umugabo afata ikiganza yakoresheje aguyaguya cyangwa akuyakuya umukobwa igihe yamuteretaga (bimwe mwita gu caressa), agahindukira akakibyaza urushyi no mu itama ngo piiiii, cyangwa ingumi no mu rwasaya ngo pooooo.

Iminwa yakoreshaga amusomagura, ugasanga yayifunguye iri kuvamo amagambo nk’ayo mu minsi ya nyuma. Telephone yanyuragamo za hani (Honey), igasigara imuhamagara ngo wa ntuza we…ngo uraka…, ngo ni njye wakakwemeye... n'ibindi ntashaka ko bimva mu kanwa nako muri clavier.

Roxy ( iri ku ifoto) igomba kuba yarabonye rero maze igihe mpangayitse. Rimwe ntashye hakiri kare numva itangiye kwivovota. Ngo asyiiii, ndambiwe abagabo nsigaye numva birirwa bahohotera abagore babo bakageza n'aho babakubita kandi n’inka zarasonewe. Nti yampayinka, imbwa iravuze!!!! Nari nirutse da....Aliko aho ngaruriye ubuy... humm nako ngaruye forme nishyiramo akanyabugabo nkurura agatebe ndayegera ngo numve igitumye imbwa yitora ikavuga.

Dore uko yambwiye ibona abagabo b’iyi minsi bahohotera abagore babo.

Ngaho mundorere, kandi ngo barakundana ye.

Njyewe: Roxy... Roxy .... hummm ko wivovota sha?

Roxy: Ndeka Boss, erega buriya iyo muvuga mba numva. Nanjye buriya narambiwe abagabo, harya buriya twabita abagabo, bari hanze aha basigaye birirwa bahohotera abagore babo kugeza naho babakubita. Ubu se babona twajya mu marushanwa koko? Barihora ubusa, ububwa narabutsindiye, bazashake ahandi bakura ibihembo. Aliko mbona ndebye nabi hari abanyuraho ndakurahiye Boss.

Njyewe: Buriya se ni ubwenge buke, ni ubukene, ni ukubura urukundo cyangwa sha ni amagini abibatera?

Roxy: Umva Boss ra. None se abize bose niko bamenye. Cyangwa abakize bose ugira ngo bakira bijya mu mutwe cyangwa mu mutima. Ibaze ko n’abirirwa bahogera ngo barize bahohotera abagore babo, bataretse n’abana. Ntiwumvise umwe uheruka kumukubitira muri Kenya, bamubaza impamvu, akigamba ngo ni umukozi wa UNEP, afite immunité ngo ntacyo bazamutwara) kandi ngo afite PHD. Wabonye uko yamugize? Ahaaa mwarangiza ngo ndi inki harya? Naramae siniga.

Njyewe: None se ubona biterwa n’iki Roxy ko mbona bikabije?

Roxy: Boss niba ushaka kubimenya nizere ko ufite akanya. Ndabikuvira imuzingo, kuko burya twe tugira senses abantu mutagira. Ca akabogi ngucire ku mayange.

Kutigirira ikizere:

Roxy: Burya abagabo batifitemo ikizere usanga barutwa nanjye. None se Boss wari wabona mokera abana? Burya impamvu nta yindi ni uko mba mbona mbarusha imbaraga, nta menace cyangwa threat ibarimo kuri njye. Umugabo utifitemo ikizere rero ahora ameze nk’uwikanga umwanzi mu mugore bashakanye. Kugira ngo amucubye rero, nta yindi ntwaro ashobora kugira uretse imbaraga z’amaboko cyangwa ibitutsi n'imvugo yo kumucisha bugufi, amupfobya.

Njyewe: Humm kuki se atamucubya akoresheje ingingo zirimo ubwenge.

Roxy: Hahahaha, nyumvira Boss nawe. Ubuhe se? Ko n'ubwo afite aba nta cyizere aba abufitemo. Abo ni ba bandi baba barakuze iwabo babacecekesha buri gihe, mu ishuri bahora bamupfobya akumva nta jambo azigera agira, n’iyo haba imbere y’abana yibyariye. Uwo n’abana ntatinya kubahonda da. Nushaka tuzabikoreho ikiganiro cyihariye.

Kugira amafuti menshi:

Njyewe: None se ubwo ni ayahe makosa umugabo yakora agashaka kwirwanaho ahohotera umugore.

Roxy: Boss, burya nta kintu kibi kibaho ku isi nko kuba umunyamakosa butwi ari nawe munyembaraga ahantu runaka. Yayayaya ni akaga. Abagabo bamwe b’abanyamafuti cyangwa b’abanyamadega nkuko mubyita…

Njyewe: Sha nta mugabo ugira amafuti, ntuzi ko amafuti y’umugabo ari bwo buryo bwe? Ubwo se ni nk’ayahe?

Roxy: Umva sha, none se uwo mugani ugira ngo ni umugore wawuhimbye, hahah. Naho amafuti y’abagabo yo aratandukanye. Reba nawe, hari ukumarira amafaranga y’urugo mu kabari. Gufata urukundo wagombye guha umugore wawe gusa ukagenda urutangaho mituyu nk’aho uri umu ajenti wa mobayilo love, n’ibindi nawe urabizi Boss, have utandondogoza. Noneho iyo umugabo nkuwo atashye aza yivugisha ngo arhee, ngo ubu kagiye kumbaza aho mvuye, ngo kagiye kumbaza aho umushahara wanjye ushirira, karabishinzwe se. Ngo asyi ubundi se abo twari kumwe baramureba. Akaza yiganiriza ubweeeee, umwanzuro ukaba ko namukubita, ibibazo birarangirira aho ngaho. Kandi koko nawe uri umugore, umuntu yakwinjira agatangira kuguhonda, ntiwaba ukizanye mambo ngo ko watinze, ngo ko wanyoye kandi abana batarishyura minerval.... Nibwo yinjira ahonda. Kandi ntakenera impamvu; ngo ikanya iri iburyo, ngo nta munyu uri mu biryo, ngo kuki ikaye y’umwana iri muri salon. Impamvu ihita ingana ururo.

Njyewe: Ko abagore babo baba baragowe?

Intagondwa z’abatesi kandi bikunda

Roxy: Boss si ibyo gusa, n’abana babo ntibaba borohewe. Baba bashaka kwigira abatesi, bikunda kandi batava ku izima. Umugabo nk'uwo aba yumva ko afite uburenganzira ku bintu byose kandi nta nshingano we yakuzuza. Akumva ko umuryango we wose ubereyeho guhaza ibyifuzo bye. Bitaba ibyo akumva rwose afite uburenganzira bwo kuba yatukana, yanarwana ye. Ubu se njye ko Kadogo iyo yatinze kungaburira, ntirara mu bantu ngo ndumagure? Ahaaa muzaba mumbwira.

Njyewe: Humm ko bitoroshye kubana n’umuntu nk'uwo?

Roxy: Wahora n’iki? Ibije nibyo bibi.

Gufata abantu nk'ibikoresho bye

Ku mugabo nk’uwo umugore n'abana baza ku mwanya wa kabiri. Baba ari ab’umugabo kandi abafata nk’ibikoresho yifashisha kugira ngo yiryohereze. Kuri we rero iyo ikintu ari icyawe, hum nanjye nari mbaye nkabo, iyo umuntu ari uwawe, uba ushobora kumukoresha icyo ushatse. Wamutuka, wamukubita, wamukoresha imibonano mpuzabitsina igihe ushakiye, mbese nta ruhushya uba ugomba gusaba kuko uba uri kurya utwawe uko ubishaka. Got it Boss?

Njyewe:Ehh ni hatari. None se ko mba mbona baba barabanje gukundana, za joteme zarabanje guca ibintu, amakado yaracicikanye, bihinduka gute mu mutwe? Njye birangora kubyumva.

Kwitiranya urukundo no gutunga ikintu

Roxy: Ikindi kibazo nabonye, abagabo nk’abo bitiranya ibintu. Kuba yarafataga telephone agahamagara Chérie, Sweety cyangwa Honey, abifata nk’igishoro. Umwanya byamutwaye ngo umukobwa amwemere bageze aho babana, abifata nk’umwanya umara uri guciririkanya ipantalo cyangwa isengeri. Iyo ukiyiciririkanya umucuruzi umubwira amagambo nk’ayo umuntu uri kugombora cyangwa gukona ingurube, bikarangira ayiguhaye. Nyuma yaho rero, ushatse uyicaza hasi, ushatse urayica ngo ibe dechirée, nta cyo umucuruzi muba mukivugana.

Njyewe: Ko numva bitoroshye se birashoboka ko umuntu yavurwa basi agasubira akaba umuntu?

Roxy: Reka daaa, ntibyoroshye. Nonese ko ibibazo by’imitekerereze n’imyumvire umuntu abivurwa iyo yemera ko afite ikibazo. Kandi umugabo nk’uwo aba yumva ari uburenganzira bwe, aba yumva ari we uzi ibintu, ari we nyiri byose. Kereka nk'abagabo bagenzi be, iyo bamwicariye bakamwumvisha ko ibyo akora atari byo. Bakanamugira inama. Hari uwo nzi abagabo bafatiye embargo da. Bamubwira ko batazongera gusangira na we niba agifata umugore nk'itungo, kuko asebya abagabo bose muri rusange. Byagiye bishira buhoro buhoro. Bisaba ko umugore aba ari strategique akabigeza ku nshuti za hafi z'umugabo da, iyo badateye kimwe na we bien sûr.

Njyewe: Nonese ubwo nta ngaruka bigira?

Roxy: Nyinshi cyane. Ugira ngo akenshi se abo baba baravuye he? Baba baravutse ku bagabo n'ubundi bahohoteraga abagore babo. Nagiye mbona abagabo benshi bameze batyo, icyo bamara gusa ari ukubyara bakuzuza isi abana bazakura nabo ara nka ba se. Ikindi kandi, uwabikoze rimwe burya ntajya ahagarara. Keretse iyo hajemo ubufasha bw’Umwuka wera naho ubundi wapi.

Njyewe: Ubwo rero uwo mukobwa w’abandi ni ugufunga umwuka agahinduka ingoma tu?

Roxy: Uretse gusenga navugaga haruguru, ashobora no kureba inzira yanyuramo kugira ngo umugabo we asange abafite inararibonye mu buzima bw’imitekerereze n’imyitwarire (Psychologist), hari igihe bafatanya bakagera ku gisubizo.Aliko bisaba kwigengesera kuko ushobora kubivuga uhubutse ugahamagara izindi nkoni cyangwa ibindi bitutsi.

Njyewe: Humm sha Roxy, uzi ko burya utari imbwa nkuko nabikekaga?

Roxy: Ahaaa, wari wabona hari umugore nkubita cyangwa mbwira ibigambo bitameshe. Ni uko nyine nabuze n'uwo kwirira naho ubundi, njye najya mutetesha da. Dore ko numva abahungu banasigaye bavuga ngo biragoye kubona umugore muri iyi minsi.

Reka nkureke nisubirire mu nzu yanjye. Ubutaha niwongera kubona akanya uzaze nkubwire uko aba psychologue babona impamvu ibitera. Harimo kuba umwana yarakuriye mu muryango aho se yahohoteraga nyina, kuba hari imico imwe n’imwe ibishyigikira rwose. Sawa bye Boss reka nisubirire ku kanjye ko kumoka.

PS: Iyo usize ka commentaire hano, bituma tumenya uko wabonye inyandiko, bikadufasha kuzabagezaho inyandiko zibanogeye ubutaha.
Iyo inyandiko ikuryoheye, nta cyo bitwaye, ni na byiza ndetse kuyisangiza bagenzi bawe.

Murakoze.

Inyandiko wasoma zijyanye nabyo:

Centre des enfants, des familles et le système de justice: Characteristics of Abusive Men: